Twisted Fate

No big word was ever easy. It's like the moon that seemed to be at the tip of your fingers yet million miles away from reality. But those are fantasy dreaming not unless you've gained the courage to stand, travel by space and finally have the sweetest taste of victory.
I can say,
I'm amazed.
I've dreamed.
I've traveled.
But I've never arrived.
My fate twisted raised to the bitterness of aftertaste. I'm broke, both by dreams and hope. But I'm never a loser. Though my dreams faded, my fate twisted, the fact that I'm still breathing was crystal clear.
Now, I can say,
I'm half drowned.
But I'll learn how to swam.
I will, I must, I should..
At first I see my fate coming in front of me. I was excited as hell, you can tell. COLLEGE. ENGINEERING. DREAM. FREEDOM. That's the words lingerin' in my head the moment I've seen the word ENROLLED printed on my first semester's college registration form. I murmured to myself, this is it! This is Paradise. My heart beats a million times each second when I first entered the gate with a post that says "No ID, No Entry". Now I can replaced that rule with a "No pain, No gain" policy. Expectations freshly rise by the people around me, the universities topnotch histories plus the challenge my mind urged me, brought me into real action. I know myself well that I can, though I'm not really good at logic and mathematics, I have tactics. I never believe in the power of cheating and deceiving, I lived by hard work and striving, hoping that someday, it will all payback on me. I make a lot of memories. Good memories, unforgettable memories, all kinds of memories. 

The first two years were rough yet fulfilling. The feeling you get knowing the fact that the quality of dream you're dreaming can be that on of the royalties? I can still remember that kind of heart imprinted to me. The boasting, discriminating and chin's upraising didn't miss the drama. My bad, I've realized after consecutive failing. I'm exhausted, I'm devastated. I know in myself I'm trying, But I guess trying isn't enough. When judgement time comes, I've risk to expect for signs and wonders in any way possible. If you're an engineering student, miracle chances are priceless, 3.0 is gold.

I failed to get the miracle I've expecting. That is the time I've decided. That is the time my faith and dreaming finally gave up, my heart scattered into million pieces. Feeling the feeling of being lost but never found. Aiming but never hitting the spot. Now I know how heartbreaking the feeling of wanting something big, working double hard, and yet in just a snap, letting it all flown and gone out of sight. As days passed by, I felt like I am the only one left over by the course side-effect. But as days passes by, so as my life. I know deep inside me that I need to keep up and left what's already left behind. I shifted. I can hear those mocking and judgmental teasing by people who once expected much from me. 

I wash crashed, I was underestimated, I was laughed by, but the hardest part, those people I've used to discriminate before, are the kind of people I'm now going to deal with. Yea, now I'm a total techie student which is the best option I thought would save my fall disgrace. Dealing with the side effect was hard, living to know that you're a quitter but having that heart of a winner. Enduring the pain and healing the wounds of losing the dreams you longed founded and lived. Hardest part of it was the unlimited asking, not to mention, excited asking of your old classmates what major are you taking for they don't know you already shifted boat and now sailing in a different water waves. Shame coated my whole personality. Disappointment branded me. Admitting my fall down kills me. seeing them everyday kills me more. I guess that's just how it meant to be. Moment I've decided, looking at the sign of giving up posted in a huge bulletin board, I realized some things aren't just meant to be. 

Though I know I can still breathe underwater, I don't wanna be taking risks anymore. I'm not in an Island of one to be selfish. I've had a chance, the opportunity, but I guess I'm off the hook. I'm closing that part of my story. I guess that paradise of me had withered in time.

Guest Writer #6: Nicca Remerata

Name : Nicca Remerata
Age : 21
About me : A bitch to those who exclusively deserve it. A simple woman who love the word variety.
Favorite Quote: Simplicity is beauty, still variety is a must see.